Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
