I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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