My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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