You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
