dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
