Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
