When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
