do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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