Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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