who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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