hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
