my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.