apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
