I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.