i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help