no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude