remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
