Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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