Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
