i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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