Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You're like the curious george of whores
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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