wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.