There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.