Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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