Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot