Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.