she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
