mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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