I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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