After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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