I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
