who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
