Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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