You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
