I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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