Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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