apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
