So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
