So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
