There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
