Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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