Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
