How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
