Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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