low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
