my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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