I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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