I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
