apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
