Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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