I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize