Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
