Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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