i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
