Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
