did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
