Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
