I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize