from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
