then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
