I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
