is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
