Me. At least after what I've been through.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
