So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
