Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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