I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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