my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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