Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
