i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
