sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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