I smell stomach acid.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
