If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
