opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
