how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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