My room smells like vodka and shame
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
