I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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