Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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