I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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