My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
