no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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