Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
