I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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