he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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