that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
