Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
