If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
