No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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